One of the most challenging issues for stepfamilies is the issue of discipline.
Who should discipline whom?
Should the biological parent handle the task with his/her children?
What is the role of the step parent?
What happens when the dreaded statement comes: "You are not my parent."
I believe that the answer is simple although not always easy to do:
All discipline needs to be a joint effort. Although there are exceptions, most issues do not need to be decided in the moment. In order to avoid any manipulation or attempts to split the couple, it is helpful to have an initial family meeting in which both parents together explain to the child or children that while they are used to rules and consequences being applied by the biological parent, this family will always involve both adults in any decisions regarding the children. The hard part is not reacting in the moment when a child behaves in a way that seems to necessitate some response other than to say I will talk to the parent who is not present and we will let you know together what we have decided.
Of course, it may be difficult for both parents to agree just as in a family with both biological parents, but it is very important those discussions take place separately and the adults present a united front when presenting their decision to the children.
Victor J.Goldman LCSW-R
http://www.suffolknymarriagecounseling.com/
http://www.stepfamilyresourcesoflongisland.com/
Who should discipline whom?
Should the biological parent handle the task with his/her children?
What is the role of the step parent?
What happens when the dreaded statement comes: "You are not my parent."
I believe that the answer is simple although not always easy to do:
All discipline needs to be a joint effort. Although there are exceptions, most issues do not need to be decided in the moment. In order to avoid any manipulation or attempts to split the couple, it is helpful to have an initial family meeting in which both parents together explain to the child or children that while they are used to rules and consequences being applied by the biological parent, this family will always involve both adults in any decisions regarding the children. The hard part is not reacting in the moment when a child behaves in a way that seems to necessitate some response other than to say I will talk to the parent who is not present and we will let you know together what we have decided.
Of course, it may be difficult for both parents to agree just as in a family with both biological parents, but it is very important those discussions take place separately and the adults present a united front when presenting their decision to the children.
Victor J.Goldman LCSW-R
http://www.suffolknymarriagecounseling.com/
http://www.stepfamilyresourcesoflongisland.com/
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